Paradise Recovered - The Impact on Me

My friend Roland Rydstrom, my old Resident Director from college, is involved in the production of an independent film called, Paradise Recovered. I have been hearing about if for several months, but never put much thought into it. I supported it when necessary, cheered for good luck when it was needed, and generally kept an eye out for more information. Last week, I finally got to see the trailer for the film, and I can honestly say that it made quite an impact on me.

The film follows a young woman’s journey away from a cult and into finding the true love of God. View trailer here. (For some reason, it won't embed correctly.)

I think the reason that I was so taken by the trailer, and the film concept in general, is because I was involved in a cult when I was younger. Many people do not know this. Even more people think I am lying when I tell them. In fact, the organization I was involved with is considered a church by most people; although it is listed in many books and on many websites as a cult (More info here.).

No one can ever really understand how easy it is to get sucked in unless you experience it. It all started off very simple – we visited a church with a friend. It looked like a normal church. I mean, it had a steeple and a cross above the altar. It was a good service, so we went back. Then, my Dad decided to sign the family up for six weeks of Bible study. That’s when the sucking in officially began.

See my family was always Southern Baptist. Our beliefs centered around the fundamental basics of Christianity. Suddenly, these Bible studies were telling us our beliefs were wrong. The trinity isn’t real. There is only one God, and he is Jesus. You aren’t saved by grace. You are saved by works and by admitting Jesus is God. They constantly bashed the teaching of other mainstream Christian churches, most notably Catholics and Baptists (Ding! Ding!). We questioned it, but then they whipped out Bible verses to prove they were right. How could we argue with the Bible? (Looking back I realize that they interpreted these verse to fit their needs. Thank you theology teachers at Marian!)

After we understood their beliefs, the rules starting coming in to play. Women can’t wear pants; only dresses. Your dresses must go past your knees, your shirts must always reach four fingers from your collar bone, and your sleeves must reach your elbows. Girls must never wear jewelry, cut their hair, or wear makeup of any kind – not even chapstick. No movie theaters, no televisions, no dancing. You must only listen to Christian radio and read Christian books. You must give an offering at every service or you are a sinner. One by one, my life changed to fit these rules, and I honestly thought it was right. I didn’t even question it.

Suddenly, my entire life revolved around the church. I spent at least 4 nights a week there. Some weeks it was more. My friends that were not church members were no longer looked at as friends. They were sinners, and it was my job to bring them into the church. I would go to school every day armed with my Bible and a pack of pamphlets, ready to save the lost and wicked. After all, we were right and everyone else was wrong.

So what got me away from this church? I can’t really pinpoint a specific reason. All I know is that one day I started to question what I was doing. I was sitting at a family gathering, and instead of enjoying my time there, I found myself pointing out the people in the room who were going to Heaven. About halfway through the room, I stopped and thought, ‘Wait a minute. What am I doing? I’m not God!” Soon after, I began researching other Christian churches, and I quickly realized that no one else believed as we did. Slowly, I broke away from the church. The rest of my family followed a little later.

The entire experience completely altered my life. I think that’s the hardest part of moving on. Leaving the church was almost like losing my identity. All of the sudden, I had to figure out who I was and what I believed. No one was telling me. It was terrifying. For a while, I gave up completely on God. (I briefly spoke about this in my very first blog entry here. It was the sugar coated version, of course.) I couldn’t figure out what was right and what was wrong, so I decided he wasn’t real. Thankfully, in time I found my way back to the true God, who I have to say is a lot cooler than they taught me he was.

What people don’t realize is that even after you leave a cult, the cult never really leaves you. Ten years later, I still find myself emotionally upset by the whole thing. To this day, church makes my skin crawl. About 8 months ago, I started to attend church again. I adore my church, but I find myself scared to get involved. I don’t want to get “too close” to anyone or believe “too much” of what they teach. I question everything they believe; not in a bad way, but in a “show me proof” kind of way.

I seriously rebel against authority, which I think stems from being told what to do, wear, say, and act for so long. In fact, I once dumped a guy for telling me he liked my hair long and to never cut it. Sad, but true.

Even worse, I sometimes miss the cult. Sounds strange doesn’t it? The truth is that it’s a whole lot harder to figure out who you are on your own, than it is to have someone tell you. I just pray that God continues to lead me the right way.

So here is hoping that “Paradise Recovered” can help others like me deal with the aftermath, and to show those not involved in cults, what it’s really like.

If you would like to learn more about Paradise Recovered, visit the website at: http://www.paradiserecovered.com/