2010

It's the start of a new year. A time to make a new approach to life. A time to reconsider goals, and make new ones. A time to choose the path I want my year to take.

That of course, doesn't mean things will go that way.

One New Years Eve, I sat with my family and thought about the trials, tribulations, and successes I found in 2009. Truthfully, the end of each year always make me sad. That sounds terrible. Yet, instead of being happy about my blessings from the previous year, I always dwell on those thing that never quite worked out.

This year I thought about the failed attempt to find a full-time teaching position, the fact that I never lost the weight I wanted to, and how I never put myself out there socially like I wanted to. It was another year of financial trouble, health issues for my parents, stupid fights with my sister, and struggle - plain and simple.

I am happy to start another year, but I can't help but think that I wasted one more year of my life.

Although, I guess if I really look at things closely, it wasn't wasted. I may have spent a good 75% of 2009 dealing with panic attacks, emotional turmoil, and a loss of faith in God. However, the last 25% was spent getting myself right with God. I began praying, attending church, and relying on him to help me through those troubled moments. 2009 was the year I rededicated my life to God. I started new.

So, 2010 is not only the start of a new year. It is also the start of a new life path. A path that includes focusing more on God and less on what I want. I honestly believe that God allowed my life to take a downward spiral because he wanted to prove to me that I needed him.

I decided this year that I would not make a New Years Resolution. There's no point. I don't keep them anyway. Instead, I am going to take things a day at a time and hope that at the end of 2010 I don't look back with the same regrets and sadness that 2009 brought me.

Happy New Year everyone. (Yes, I realize that I am posting this 9 days late.)