The One Who is With You Always

Sorry for the lack of blog updates. Life has been crazy, so I didn't have the time to write anything.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, my sister and I had a big fight. It was over something stupid, but got blown out of proportion. She said things in anger. I said things in anger. In the end, we are not on speaking terms. (Her choice, not mine. I have forgiven her, but she is not yet ready to forgive. I guess...)

During the fight, I came to a depressing conclusion. There is NO person on Earth that will ever be there for you through good and bad. People say they will. Married couples vow that they will. However, it's very rare that it actually comes to be.

Friends come and go. Grandparents and parents try to be there for you, but you will eventually lose them through death. Siblings, cousins, and other family members love you, but I have had too many of these types of people turn their backs on me when I need them the most.

No one, no matter how great their intentions, will ever be there 100%.

I sat in my room after the big fight and realized that my parents are going to die someday. I will be all alone. My sister, if she ever speaks to me again, will never really have enough time to give three farts about me. She has her own drama. Friends are the same way. I'm not married, so I'll have no spouse to go to.

As I sat there in pity, a thought popped into my mind. I'm NOT alone! God is with me.

He is with me when I'm sad, when I'm happy, and everything in between. I may not physically see him, but I can feel him every day. God will be my strength to help me get through those rough times.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Interesting Experience at Church

I had something really cool happen to me at church today, and I want to share it with everyone.

Being the Sunday right before Thanksgiving, it was a special service. We took Communion. We also gave our Faith Harvest Offering.

The Faith Harvest Offering is something my church does right before Thanksgiving. It's our way of saying thank you to God for all he has done for us throughout the year.

There are three rules to giving this offering:

1.) Willing Spirit
Deuteronomy 35:21
If their hearts were stirred and they desired to do so, they brought to the LORD their offerings...

2.) Generous Spirit
Proverbs 11:25
The generous prosper and are satisfied, those who refresh others themselves be refreshed.

3.) Special Treasure
1 Chronicles 29:3
And now because of my devotion to the Temple of my God, I am giving all of my own private treasures of gold and silver to help in the construction.

I was a little upset this morning about the offering. God has helped me tremendously this year. Even while being unemployed for 7 months, I had food, clothes, a roof over my head, and people that loved me. He also brought me to a place in my life that allowed me to regain my relationship with him. I wanted to say thank you . . . but I had no money. Even though I now I have a job, many bills mounted up while I wasn't working. I live paycheck to paycheck. Outside of paying tithes, there isn't any money to give.

While everyone else was giving, I bowed my head and said a silent prayer to God. I thanked him for all of the blessings he bestowed upon me this year and apologized for not having the money to give for offering.

When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to see a woman standing next to me. I had seen her in church many times, but I had never spoken to her. She handed me a $5 bill and said "God told me to give you this for your offering." Needless to say, my jaw hit the floor. The only thing I could do was say thank you.

As I walked up to the altar to put the money in the harvest basket, I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. God gave me money for my offering, and I didn't even ask for it.

$5 will never be enough to repay God for all he has done for me. Yet, I know he understands how grateful I am otherwise he wouldn't have sent me that gift.

Tonight as I get ready for bed, I am reflecting on all the times I wondered if God really heard my prayers. I got my answer today. I know he cares and listens because he answered an unspoken prayer. He fills my heart with joy and gives me the strength to face another day.

Happy Day - Kim Walker

We sang this song in church today. It excited me and lifted my spirits.

So, I decided to share it with you.

Group Blog - Favorite Book of the Bible

I'm starting something new. One of my Textnovel friends, Steph from Steph in the City, does a group blog every Thursday. I think this is such a great idea. It's a wonderful way of sharing your thoughts with other people.

So, I am starting Group Blog Monday. This week's topic: What is your favorite book of the Bible and why? The way this works is that you write a blog with this week's topic on your own blog. Then, you add your name and the link to your blog post in the widget.

My favorite book has to be Psalms. It's an entire book of prayers and songs to God. A lot of times I will read a Psalm and think "That's exactly what I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words to do so."

One example of this is in Psalm 116. How many times have I tried to put my love for God into words and came up short? This Psalm does it for me with such eloquence that I would have never came up with it on my own.

¹ I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

² Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

³ The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

⁴ Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

⁵ The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

⁶ The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

⁷ Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

⁸ For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

⁹ that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

¹⁰ I believed; therefore I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

¹¹ And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

¹² How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

¹³ I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

¹⁴ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

¹⁶ O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant ;
you have freed me from my chains.

¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

¹⁸ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

¹⁹ in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD.

The book of Psalms is often used in music. I would say that a good 75% or more of hymns and other church songs have some kind of reference to a Psalm. It is also the most widely quoted book of the Bible . There are so many different types of Psalms: hymns of praise and worship to God; prayers of help, protection, and salvation; pleas for forgiveness; songs of thanks to God. This book speaks out the most intimate feelings of God's people.

Every time I read this book, it is like opening a present. It is so full of God's love and wisdom for us. When I find my self in my darkest hours, a prayer and a reading from the book of Psalms never fail to lift my spirits again.

So, what is your favorite book of the Bible?

Everlasting God

Time to share another song.

This is one of my favorites. We sang it in church a few weeks ago, and it really lifted my spirits.

Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin

Getting Kicked in the Behind by God

Anyone ever got kicked in the behind by God, and knew that's what he was doing?

Well, that happened to me the other day.

Every day I read at least two chapters of the Bible; sometimes more depending on my mood. I have no particular way of choosing what I read. My friend sent me an awesome website that summarizes the books of the Bible and the topics they cover. I usually just choose something off the list that is speaking to my heart.

The book I decided to read yesterday was 1 John. According to the website, this book deals with living in God's love, so it seemed pretty interesting to me.

Just so this makes more sense, the way I read the Bible is as follows:
a) I pray for understanding as I read
b) I read the King James version of the chapter
c) I read the chapter in another translation. Usually I use "The Message" or "Contemporary English" versions off of BibleGateway.com. Both translations are often used by my pastor when he wants to clarify something in layman's terms.
d) I pray about any concerns/questions the reading brought up.

As you know, I recently posted about fearing death/dying and about doubting God. I also talked about how I am upset that everyone else has a great life, i.e. good job, nice house, kids, spouse, money, etc., and I do not.

As I was reading, a few verses really stood out.

The first verse was 1 John 2:15-17
"Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity." (The Message version)

This made me stop and realize that all of these things I want really aren't that important. When I die, I can't take my money/job/house with me. What good is it to spend so much time worrying about it? If I really love God, as I claim to, I should be grateful for the things he is giving me.

The second was 1 John 4:18
"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." (The Message version)

Now, I am not entirely sure what it means to not be fully formed in love. I'm guessing that it means your heart is not entirely given over to God. This, of course, is not good. I suppose that the fact I am so fearful puts me in this category.

I find it so funny how both of the verses directly hit on the areas of confusion I've been having. Both verses are also telling me that my heart isn't in the right place, and that I need to get my spirit right.

Like I said, God kicked me in the behind.

I love when he does that!

I am so thankful God loves me even though I mess everything up.

Fear of Death and Dying

I don't know why, but I have always had a strong fear of death and dying. Ever since I was a little girl, the idea of death makes me go into a full-fledged panic attack.

Through the years, I have tried my best to get over it. I try to avoid talking about death. I won't watch movies where people die. I used to read people's out of body and near death experiences. I studied ghosts and participated in ghost hunting activities (Not anymore! I don't mess with that!). In a way, I try to pretend that I'll live forever.

I got to thinking about this the other day (and of course, had a panic attack). As a Christian who is doing my best to follow God's way, why am I so frightened of death? Shouldn't death be a happy thing? The Bible says that if we follow Christ, we will have everlasting life. So, nothing to fear. Right?

Earlier this week, a friend actually helped me figure out what my problem appears to be. They asked the simple question "What if you are wrong, and there is no God?" To be honest, I sat kind of shocked for a minute and had no idea how to answer.

That is what my fear is all about. I would hate to think that we live this struggle filled life, only to find out that there is no reward. For a while, I was borderline atheist (more agnostic, I guess). I honestly didn't think that God was real

After studying and looking at the world, I really do believe that God is real. That Jesus did die for my sins, and he wasn't just some crazy guy sprouting stories. I look at the things science claim are true and realize that there are a lot of things they don't give answers to.

The Big Bang theory they believe so strongly in. It happened. What caused it? They can't answer. But I can. God caused it. It makes more sense than just throwing your arms up and saying nothing created something.

Yet a part of me still questions... and I don't know why.

The idea of Heaven is kind of troubling for me too. I want to go there, but I often wonder what it will really be like. Will it be like here on Earth where we have jobs to do and people to love? Or are we just meaninglessly floating around all the time for all eternity? I'm a planner, and this is something I just can't plan.

I am scared that my indecision and questioning is going to harm my salvation. Can God really love me if I am scared he doesn't exist? My fear of the unknown I think is hindering me really getting close to God.

I prayed last night for God to make himself real to me. I don't even know if he will answer a prayer like that, but I don't know how else to approach it.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this?